"World Cup Edition 3-Layer Toiletpaper with Colorful Soccer Motifs. With Soccer-Field Scent!"

"New...Especially easy to open...Open here..."

Considering that the plastic in which this stuff is packaged is so flimsy that you’re lucky to just pick it up without showering fellow shoppers with loo rolls, a “new easy opening” tearaway strip just seemed to court disaster. Then I considered that a soccer fan who had been drinking all day in support of his/her team might just appreciate a quick route to the loo paper. So it is in fact a World Cup feature. And I had to admit, it *did* open easily.

Shortly after opening, I encountered the “Rasen-duft” (“soccer field/grass scent”) for the first time.

I'm not a fan. Of soccer, yes, but not of "Rasen-Duft".

Hmmm how to describe it…it smells exactly like what a chemist who wanted to make a chemical that smells like grass and sweaty footballers would imagine that grass and sweaty footballers smells like. *Imagine* being the key word, since a geeky chemist is unlikely to have ever actually BEEN to a footy match. And that’s exactly what this smells like: a chemist who’s never been a to a football match. Strong suggestion of generic cleaning product with perhaps a slight bouquet of dying vegetation. Oh and of course a hint of toilet paper.

But if you don’t enjoy the smell (I don’t) there’s always the colorful football motifs to distract you.

Not exactlly sure what's going on here but it looks like a foul to me.

I think the levitating guy about to get beaned by the falling trophy looks kinda kid-sized....perhaps that's Lahm?

There’s a few others, but that’s enough to give you the idea, and to be quite honest, the Rasen-duft is making me a bit lightheaded. Off now to store it into the bathroom (in fact the least-well-ventilated room in the house, uh oh) where it will serve as a tribute to Jogi’s Jungs.

“Chramer, gip die varwe mir! Germans and Colors“

I’m aware of this day’s significance to the Christian calendar, but it doesn’t hold much personal meaning for me.  I never really gave much thought to it;  it’s a day when my Catholic friends sport dirty foreheads, my morally-uplifted friends announce what they’re giving up until Easter, the entire population of New Orleans googles for hangover cures, and apparently Joe Biden gets clumsy. But my opinion changed when I moved to Germany.

Here’s the thing: in the US, politicians kiss babies in photo ops. On this day in Germany, they drink beer.

Every Ash Wednesday the political parties in Germany hold rallies. The leaders give stump speeches while their supporters…well…drink beer. It’s a tradition dating back 50+ years, and now officially dubbed “Politischer Aschermittwoch” (translation: “Political Ash Wednesday”). What I find so astounding, coming from the United States, is that every  TV news broadcast, newspaper, and magazine is filled with pictures of every leading politician drinking an obligatory beer at their respective party’s rally. Entire montages are made my media outlets documenting who drank what, where, and from what sort of container.

Ash Wednesday photo ops: German policians drinking beer. Yes, even Angie (top left). Click the image to see the full article at http://www.politik-visuell.de/

Some politicians, supposedly wishing to highlight their belief in a counterculture, make sure they are photographed drinking something unorthodox, like tea, milk, or water. Sometimes also from beer glasses.

Bottom right: no beer for me thanks. From the informative article at Deutsche Welle (http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0,,4053889,00.html)

Standard American political photo ops do sometimes run to odd subjects: pardoned turkeys, groundhogs, and friendly handshakes between enemies. But definitely not beer. I find it amazing that alcohol is such a fundamental part of German culture that beer itself is a photo op used by politicians to endear them to their constituents. And that it all happens on the first day of a period of abstinence! Sometimes I really love living here in Germany.

Here’s some more photos of drinking politicians for your enjoyment (and believe me, I cut this list down. There are loads!). The sites are in German, but you get the idea.

• From Der Spiegel (extra bonus photo op with pretzel and sausages!)
• From the Hamburger Abendblatt
• From Welt Online

One final side note for my German-speaking friends:  I always have to look twice at the headlines…my brain swears it’s reading “Politischer Arschmittwoch”

The findings suggest that after learning a second language, people never look at words the same way again.

“The Neural Advantage of Speaking 2 Languages” (Scientific American)

Whoppers of 2009

Of course Germans don’t hear this literally, as I as a non-native speaker do.  To them it means simply “Happy New Year”.  But why “slide” instead of just wishing people a Happy New Year?  It’s an example of the German superstition that it is bad luck to wish someone well for an event that has not yet happened. For example, Germans do not wish someone happy birthday before midnight of the actual date of birth. In fact, many people usher in their birthday with champagne at exactly midnight on the day. Wishing someone a “good slide into the New Year” is a way to wish them well for the new year before midnight on New Years’ Eve, without jinxing them. Once that moment in time is passed, it is then appropriate to wish everyone Happy New Year. Which I will hear from friends and shopkeepers starting tomorrow.

Thanks to my husband for the cultural edification, and I wish everyone a Good Slide!

Medieval Christmas Traditions

It’s no accident that Germans are so good at Christmas — they’ve a long history of it. (Need proof? Our tradition of having a Christmas tree in the home came to us via Queen Victoria’s German relations.) Christmas markets are found in every city: Hamburg has at least twelve. This panoramic picture view at panorama.dk gives you a feel for the atmosphere at the Rathausmarkt, the largest one in Hamburg.  Here you can buy food, crafts, and Glühwein — literally translated, “glow wine”, mulled spiced wine so-called because it makes you “glow”…and trust me, it does! (Notice in the panorama picture the huge crowd surrounding the “Glühweinhaus” ) This seasonal atmosphere is enough to increase the Grinchiest heart three sizes.

However, there are a few traditions here that so far have not made the transition into American culture.  Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

1. Sacrificial Santas. Everyone enjoys decorating their house for Christmas, and the Germans are no exception.  Most of these decorations are what you’d expect: lights, sprigs of evergreen, ribbons.  But one makes me do a double-take every time. The intention is to represent Santa merrily climbing into your house, presumably to leave gifts.  This takes the form of a small doll or mannequin heading up the side of the house, or over balconies (in city dwellings). In the best decorations it simply looks like a crook breaking and entering on his way to steal some festive cheer. In the worst, Santa is seen hanging precariously as if on a gallows, swinging in the breeze. Or he is harshly lashed to the side of the building like some kind of Christmas sacrifice. Which reminds me more of a crucifix, that at the very least is completely the wrong holiday.

"Ho Ho ... Help!"

2. Live candles on the Christmas tree. We do this in our house, and it scares the Charles Dickens out of me every year. But oooh, is it beautiful!

Our Christmas tree is on fire!

In defence of the practice, Germans do not set up their trees until a few days before Christmas, so they are still moist and fresh, not the standing pile of kindling an American tree becomes by Christmas Eve.  It is also a tradition to keep a big bucket of water near the tree in case of emergency.

3. Festive meats. No getting away from it, the Germans are passionate meat-eaters. Combine this with their passion for Christmas, and you get traditions that make non-meat-eaters like me squirm.

First we have salamis and other sandwich meats pressed into festive shapes, as I’ve found in our local grocery store:

Nothing says Christmas like Christmas tree salami

(a few years ago I also saw a pork roll with an intricate star of David pressed into it. It was lovely, as far as sandwich meats go, and I think the mistake was the result of ignorance, not malice )

Then a few days ago we went to my husband’s office Christmas party, and I met this little fellow:

An "Igel", or "Hedgehog", lurking innocently in a Christmas party buffet

He’s called an “Igel”, or Hedgehog in English, for obvious reasons. Please notice that he is made of onions, three strategically placed olives, and SEVERAL POUNDS OF RAW MINCEMEAT (!), which one spreads on bread. (I must give a big thank-you to the gentleman in the buffet line ahead of me. He was tickled that I was so interested in the Hedgehog, and generously reattached the Igel’s nose, which he had just put on his slice of bread, so I could take my picture.)

And so I wish everyone Frohes Fest (“Happy Holidays”) from Hamburg!  May visions of sugar-plum fairies and Hedgehogs dance in your heads.

“Boy, those Germans have a word for everything!” — Homer Simpson

I am continually astounded by the beauty of my second language.  I do not mean the sounds made by the voice when speaking it, which often sound like gravel being crushed by angry chainsaws (and sometimes feel like it too!). I mean the elegance, poetry, and sometimes incredible efficiency of expression in the German language.

German words are often complete pictures in and of themselves. They can be poetically descriptive and at the same time observationally efficient. For example, der Handschuh, the German for “glove”, literally means “hand-shoe”; der Fingerhut, “thimble”, literally translates to “finger hat”. Charming! Create whole sentences from such words, and the richness of expression can be breathtaking. I’m not the only one to have noticed:

There are some German words which are singularly and powerfully effective. For instance, those which describe lowly, peaceful, and affectionate home life; those which deal with love, in any and all forms, from mere kindly feeling and honest good will toward the passing stranger, clear up to courtship; those which deal with outdoor Nature, in its softest and loveliest aspects — with meadows and forests, and birds and flowers, the fragrance and sunshine of summer, and the moonlight of peaceful winter nights; in a word, those which deal with any and all forms of rest, repose, and peace; those also which deal with the creatures and marvels of fairyland; and lastly and chiefly, in those words which express pathos, is the language surpassingly rich and affective. — Mark Twain, “The Awful German Language”

So effective are many of these words that English speakers have already adopted them for their own, to fill expressive gaps left by the impressive vocabularic jumble that is the English language:  Schadenfreude, Kindergarten, Zeitgeist, and many others. But there are many more expressions I encounter as my German skills improve that have no English equivalent.

Certainly all languages in the world contain words and phrases that do not translate easily into any other language, because they express concepts that are very specific to the culture from which the language emerged. However there are several to be found in German which I think readily describe phenomena familiar to any English speaker, but for which we (currently) have no ready expression — or at least, none as linguistically descriptive. Here are a few of my favorites. Enjoy!

Schnapsidee: literally “booze idea”, meaning a crazy idea.  No doubt about it, German culture is an alcohol culture. Centuries of experience with liquor and its effects have built up a rich alcohol-related vocabulary. Schnapsidee describes an idea that impresses your barmates after several hours’ boozing, but that on sober reflection is certifiably insane. This word also provides an elegant social reprieve, for example when your drinking buddy shows up the next day asking about the details of that 10-week moped tour across the Himalayas, you can respond “Oh man, that was just a Schnapsidee!” and all is forgiven and forgotten. (Exception: any of the bets made on the TV show “Wetten, Dass…”, which I’m convinced all started as Schnapsideen before making it onto the show.)

Sitzpinkler: literally “a man who sits down while peeing”, meaning wuss or wimp.  I’ll admit it, this one is sexist, but funny! In fact, considering how much better the bathrooms look when men sit rather than stand to do their business, I could hope that in modern times it comes to mean “man who, sharing a bathroom with a woman, is sensitive enough to keep the bathroom clean and/or leave the toilet seat down”.

Eierlegendewollmilchsau: literally “egg-laying wool-producing milk pig”. This word illustrates the concept of something being all things to all people — and includes the impossibility of such a thing’s existence.  For example, the desire to produce a perfect computer operating system could be expressed as a hunt for an “Eierlegendewollmilchsau”. Also a wonderful derogatory term for a product that promises more than it can possibly deliver.

I will update this post as more words tickle my fancy. Got a suggestion?  Post it in the comments!

Oktoberfest is a great tourist mecca, but who wants to shell out big bucks for traditional Tracht that will be worn once a year somewhere that they will be subject to the rigors of organized drunkenness?

One Austrian has the answer: swimming trunks designed to look like traditional Lederhosen.

http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,649490,00.html

I can hear the Bavarians crying into their beer.  Oh, and don’t miss the accompanying  Dirndl Bikini.